I'm sick of my apartment. sick of my current living/working/student life right now. i don't get any nights to myself for stuff i want to do, i have to wake up early every morning, and it's just getting frustrating with not only acquiring more work shifts/duties (cause people left), but more hours at school, and even more just getting from my house to school with a bike that's past its prime. that and my church is falling apart and I'm still not sure where I stand, especially now that the temporary worship leader, the one for which I was holding out, is stepping down.
I'm just surrounded by stuff i need to do, and neither the will nor the time do deal with them. last quarter was a good respite, but this quarter is just...harder. I don't know how else to explain it. something's different. maybe it's that I'm getting screwed over with this apartment thing, and it's manifesting itself in other parts of my life.
GAH.
and of course friend drama. or more like, inner conflict to deal with drama. There was a girl i met a few times, and the more I hung out with her, the more i liked her. but...after taking certain things into consideration, it would not only have been impractical but unfair to do anything but keep my feelings to myself and not engage in normal conversation which is super hard for me to do! like, I normally try to be a good support for my friends, but I felt that if I did, then one of two things would happen. A, she would see my support as a desire from me to be more than friends (this has happened several times and it's frustrating and annoying) which is not incorrect, but with where she is in life, it would be awkward and unfair to her. or B, i would make a fool of myself trying to keep from letting A happen. so, I've had to resist "normal" conversation (texting mostly) with her so as to keep from letting A and/or B happen, but it's a catch 22 cause i see me not being supportive to her as not being a good friend, and I don't want that to happen either!
GAHHHH.
so, I know these are kind of stupid things, but that's basically my life right now. sorry it took 10 months to post new stuff. but that's also life.
